Chapter 1 of 4: 

If for a moment you have heard about transgender people on social media, news, or table conversation, I invite you to listen to this story about my two brothers. Today, My brothers Zach and Brooks are both wildly successful, they are a Dentist and a Lawyer, avid outdoorsmen who like to hunt and fish, athletes, and they are family men. From today to when I was little my brothers have always been influential leaders in my life. As I grew up they have always been two people I have looked up to, was competitive against, learned from, and two people that I admire most in this world. As a young kid, I always had the mentality when walking around the hockey rink or town thinking “yeah, those are my two brothers (with a sense of pride)”.

At the same time, ever since a very young age I always felt something was different about me, and to a lot of people there is something different, I am transgender. Into my teenage years, my internal struggles continued to grow and I felt I had little choice but to come out. This was extremely hard for me to do, especially for coming out to my brothers. Two people’s opinions I valued so much.  

I came out to both of them on the same day, with the help of my family, during one of the most challenging times my family has ever endured (Not my trans coming out). The first brother I came out to was my eldest brother Zach. Zach, met me with a sincere embrace, starting off with the biggest, warmest hug a person can receive, an open curious ear, leading from his heart to listen to his sibling’s struggles, always holding space for me. After that initial conversation, Zach read books, podcasts, and did what he could to learn about the transgender community. In fact, I think he was more comfortable with me being trans than I was being trans myself. When I finally moved to Colorado to transition, Zach called me every week to check in, to make sure I was doing okay. An action showing nothing but sincere love and care for his sibling.

Now, If you know my family, you can probably guess Brooks had a different reaction. Check out Chapter 2.

Chapter 2 of 4: 

 Now, If you know my family, you can probably guess Brooks had a different reaction to me coming out as trans. To be honest, our initial conversation is a fuzzy memory as there was so much going on from that weekend. But I remember Brooks took a lot more time than the weekend to process my coming out. I was stuck in what seemed like forever wondering if he ever would accept me. 

He was in law school at the time, and months later after coming out, I went to his graduation in California weeks before my move to Colorado to transition. Still in boy mode, I remember hanging out with him and an elephant in the room, not talking about my soon-to-be big life-changing event, sitting in grief, knowing I may not have another moment like this with my brother. At the end of the trip, he gave me a long letter, which I could tell was his way of communicating and processing my transgender identity and what that would mean for our relationship moving forward.

 At the end of the letter, he said “I may not ever understand what you are going through, but I support you and love you”, A spark of optimism.

 Five months after that date, he and Lauren (his wife) moved from California to Minnesota, they made a quick afternoon stop in Colorado to visit me. This would be the first time they would see me living as a woman. Brooks’s reaction was priceless, as I opened the door to my apartment to let them in, he jumped back, with a shock on his face. He tried to act goofy, covering up what I know he was truly thinking, which was “what the fuck”. I just stood there, vulnerable and feeling judged, now reflecting knowing this wasn’t his intention but a reaction. To say the least, It was an awkward quick lunch and they were off. As they left, I sat with uneasiness and some disappointment. 

For the last 10 years, both my life and Brooks’s life have been jumping all around the US. We have had brief periods together, with some longer than others. However, each time we saw each other, two things happened simultaneously. The awkwardness, sense of judgment, and the elephant slowly left, while at the same time, we started seeing each other as people and valuing each present moment we have together a little bit more. It took years, but now my trans identity isn’t even a thing for our relationship, we are just two siblings who enjoy doing the same activities we once did together, I get to show up as me, and life for us gets to be normal. 

So why do I share this story? Check out Chapter 3

Chapter 3 of 4: 

So why do I share this story about coming out to my brothers? Today is Transgender Day of Visibility, and in all honesty, I don’t like having to share personal stories like this, im sick of it. But I feel as if I have to. There is a lot of nasty, untrue rhetoric about the trans community. There are also a lot of anti-trans laws being passed in many states. I don’t want these uninformed people to control the narrative of who trans people are or how we live our life, but this is a reality for trans people and I do not want to continue to live in a reality where it is illegal to be me.

My story about my brothers is a different trans narrative, a narrative that for some reason is being avoided. Our story is one of acceptance. Acceptance came in two very different ways. I have no judgment for how my brothers each accepted me, only gratitude because they both accept me. They both were able to look beyond the trans label and just see me as me. I continue to hold both of my brothers in the highest regard and cherish every moment I get to spend with them. The same love, support, and care I get from my brothers is a tremendous example of how many trans people desire to live their life. 

Unfortunately, we live in a world where many are not able to get past the face of judgment which creates a lot of pain, agony, and hurt. A new statistic came out this year from a study of 33,000 trans people, 62% of transgender people contemplate suicide, with nearly 35% attempting suicide. The highest of any population by far. 

Diving deeper into this number, suicide rates like this are not because of what is happening inside of us as trans people but are a result of what is happening outside of us. This suicide stat is just the tip of the iceberg of the many terrible statistics that plague my trans community. Societal attacks, discrimination, hate, ignorance, and even neutrality, the environment for being trans is like a fish trying to live out of water in many ways. This continued barrage affects the trans community and me in so many ways. Today, I cannot confidently visit my loving sister in Tennessee without fear due to new laws of being detained for being me in public. It is the land of the free after all so why do I have to worry about this? This is why I decide to be visible and share my story with you in hopes I can persuade you that this anti-trans rhetoric and laws are wrong. There is strength in numbers.

There is also hope and optimism because of you… Final Chapter

The Final Chapter:

There is hope and optimism because of you. When trans people have a supportive, loving environment, just as my brothers have provided me, all those suicide stats and others drop significantly to near-average levels. You have the power help us do this a human beings. Public opinion can also change politicians’ minds and laws (we live in a democracy after all). To take one step further to transcend politics into just being human. The love and support I receive means I don’t have to just survive in life, I can thrive in life too, I take that endless thriving energy to help others thrive every day in my work, my work doesn’t make me rich financially, but rich in a deep spiritual sense. And Isn’t this what life should be about, to live at our fullest potential, support others to get to theirs, and contribute to something greater than ourselves? 

To do this we must learn to see past the labels and stereotypes and put effort to see who others truly are at their core. This transcends just trans people, I mean all people. No matter what labels you identify with or are put on you, we must work to see who others are as they truly are. We are human after all, and we will not be perfect at this, but we all must practice.

GET IN TOUCH